please stop stealing all the thoughts directly from my brain
re: perfectionism, a line from Heather Havrilesky a few years ago knocked me on my ass: “Nothing was good enough for her, so she did nothing at all.” Still struggling with that one.
Maybe it's supposed to be like that. Also, I relate so much to most of the phrases. I'm an all in or all out kinda girl too. Though of course, our lives are very different and I don't do things like you do (come on, man, you seem so perfect and you write so well too- I know I'm talking as if that answers everything but bear with me), this piece of yours made me feel seen. I've been reflecting, introspecting and recharging the last week and that is what made me accept who I am finally. Because I've never accepted this aspect about me. And I've faced issues or problems unnecessarily because of this. So maybe you're writing questioning why are you like this but hear out from someone who's on the other side- who is exactly this but refused to accept herself as this. That is hard too. Being self aware but not really accepting yourself 100% is the worst kind of injustice you can do to yourself. I've forever been stuck in the "I can't do anything or I'm not capable of this" phase for the last few years because I was so afraid of failing because of this and also, because I didn't accept myself or even bring myself to say to myself, "it's okay if you fail," or "you don't need to be perfect." However yes, I do see the other side (aka you) who seemed to have understood herself and do it all (almost all? or whatever that all seems to look like, to an outsider at the very least) also has these questions. I'd say, to all of us, we must be kinder with ourselves like how we'd be to our friends. And give our best and leave the rest (to the Universe or God or whatever you believe in, I'm not sure. I oscillate between the Universe and God, gosh, admitting this took me so much time). So, here's one piece of thought from a 24 years old girlie to another, love yourself like you love the people you care about! :)
I feel like I said a lot but also glad I did. Also, it's always a nice feeling. To know we're not alone. Even today, I got the comment (from a place of genuine concern from a friend who was worried about my well-being as I've been sick physically the last few days we well) that I think too much, I feel too much. Soemtimes though, I am too much to myself because I try to let my thoughts go wild and emotions run free at times. Thoughts take up so much space and emotions take up so much energy though it is also quite liberating. But also, sometimes good friends don't exactly get that as well because maybe we've not shown that version to them. Also, having friends who don't exactly get this you also hurts. Because they're good in all other aspect but not getting this aspect of you. It sucks but also, hey, I don't think we get everything right everywhere, right? I sure hope so! I don't know if you've had to deal with such kinds of friends but if you did, asking out of curiosity, how do you manage? I'd be happy to know this because sometimes, when the people close to you don't get this intensity of yours and when you're sad about any other things in general, that is the saddest and I've had my share of such moments. I always repress and make myself busy with work and go on which I know is not the way to go but well. Anyways, time to hide into my shell because this is the most vulnerable I've ever been on the internet. And I don't think I want to share me (the irony cause I'm typing this after sharing so much, whoops). But alright, have a good night!
PS. I've mostly seen it is readers who have this kind of personality than non readers. I don't know how much my observation holds true in general because it's a pretty small sample space but again, just my opinion based on my observations so far in life.
reallll, I related to this a lot! thanks for putting this out there 🩷 have been really working on getting “back into my body” but it’s hard when I’m not sure if I ever was there. still gonna keep trying though lol
I resonate so deeply with debilitating perfectionism. And constantly thinking about how the people i care about think of me, so thank you for this. I feel less alone in this regard
I rushed home to open this up and read. so beautiful, it's always an incredible feeling to read your experience of life on the page generated by someone else. Thank you for the vulnerability.
please stop stealing all the thoughts directly from my brain
re: perfectionism, a line from Heather Havrilesky a few years ago knocked me on my ass: “Nothing was good enough for her, so she did nothing at all.” Still struggling with that one.
beautiful piece!
oh wow, that's such a good line - thank you for sharing!
god this feels like something from my own journal. good to know i’m not the only one<3
never!
Maybe it's supposed to be like that. Also, I relate so much to most of the phrases. I'm an all in or all out kinda girl too. Though of course, our lives are very different and I don't do things like you do (come on, man, you seem so perfect and you write so well too- I know I'm talking as if that answers everything but bear with me), this piece of yours made me feel seen. I've been reflecting, introspecting and recharging the last week and that is what made me accept who I am finally. Because I've never accepted this aspect about me. And I've faced issues or problems unnecessarily because of this. So maybe you're writing questioning why are you like this but hear out from someone who's on the other side- who is exactly this but refused to accept herself as this. That is hard too. Being self aware but not really accepting yourself 100% is the worst kind of injustice you can do to yourself. I've forever been stuck in the "I can't do anything or I'm not capable of this" phase for the last few years because I was so afraid of failing because of this and also, because I didn't accept myself or even bring myself to say to myself, "it's okay if you fail," or "you don't need to be perfect." However yes, I do see the other side (aka you) who seemed to have understood herself and do it all (almost all? or whatever that all seems to look like, to an outsider at the very least) also has these questions. I'd say, to all of us, we must be kinder with ourselves like how we'd be to our friends. And give our best and leave the rest (to the Universe or God or whatever you believe in, I'm not sure. I oscillate between the Universe and God, gosh, admitting this took me so much time). So, here's one piece of thought from a 24 years old girlie to another, love yourself like you love the people you care about! :)
thank you!
I feel like I said a lot but also glad I did. Also, it's always a nice feeling. To know we're not alone. Even today, I got the comment (from a place of genuine concern from a friend who was worried about my well-being as I've been sick physically the last few days we well) that I think too much, I feel too much. Soemtimes though, I am too much to myself because I try to let my thoughts go wild and emotions run free at times. Thoughts take up so much space and emotions take up so much energy though it is also quite liberating. But also, sometimes good friends don't exactly get that as well because maybe we've not shown that version to them. Also, having friends who don't exactly get this you also hurts. Because they're good in all other aspect but not getting this aspect of you. It sucks but also, hey, I don't think we get everything right everywhere, right? I sure hope so! I don't know if you've had to deal with such kinds of friends but if you did, asking out of curiosity, how do you manage? I'd be happy to know this because sometimes, when the people close to you don't get this intensity of yours and when you're sad about any other things in general, that is the saddest and I've had my share of such moments. I always repress and make myself busy with work and go on which I know is not the way to go but well. Anyways, time to hide into my shell because this is the most vulnerable I've ever been on the internet. And I don't think I want to share me (the irony cause I'm typing this after sharing so much, whoops). But alright, have a good night!
PS. I've mostly seen it is readers who have this kind of personality than non readers. I don't know how much my observation holds true in general because it's a pretty small sample space but again, just my opinion based on my observations so far in life.
This piece made me feel seen. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable. Take care of yourself first, always❤️
thank you for reading
felt as if you have been eavesdropping on all the conversations in my head. Loved this read!<3
reallll, I related to this a lot! thanks for putting this out there 🩷 have been really working on getting “back into my body” but it’s hard when I’m not sure if I ever was there. still gonna keep trying though lol
my fav genius girl with the biggest heart
i love you MY favorite genius girl
I resonate so deeply with debilitating perfectionism. And constantly thinking about how the people i care about think of me, so thank you for this. I feel less alone in this regard
I rushed home to open this up and read. so beautiful, it's always an incredible feeling to read your experience of life on the page generated by someone else. Thank you for the vulnerability.
thank you so much for this comment, it means the world
I loved this article!!❤️
im obsessed with the way you write and use words. always incredible!!
me encanta! 💖
wow you are talented. never stop writing
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL - YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL and I love you dearly
beautiful stunning amazing extraordinary!!
looove u leah
I feel so seen🥹