things i've learned in my 20s (so far)
a super long list of everything i learned and prioritized in my early 20s.
“There will be a spring and a summer. It’s almost excruciating. But then comes autumn, short as a wink, before winter is finally upon us again. Life does not go on, it starts again, everything is possible again. Anything can happen, all the best and all the most beautiful and all the greatest adventures on Earth.”
I am turning 24 this year, which means I’m out of my early twenties. Here are some things I learned in the three years, along with some unforgettable quotes from books and movies that I have saved in my notes app.
1. it’s okay to grow out of friendships.
I used to harbor so much guilt over falling out of touch with people or even beginning to feel distant from someone I was close to. But I think outgrowing people as you grow in different directions is so normal and natural. While your teens are often spent doing the same things as everyone else, your twenties and post-grad will have you and your friends moving in vastly different directions. So much so that most friendships will be contingent on how willing you are to actively make an effort to maintain it.
Most of my close friendships take shape in fragments between work and school and obligations: random pictures sent during odd hours that remind us of each other. “omg why are you up????” and “wait let me fill you in. can you call?” texts sent at 2am that lead to obnoxiously long phone calls where we debrief our completely mundane weeks together, dramatizing every event. They all bring me a quiet sort of peace and silently evolve along the ebb and flow of my life without any strenuous effort.
Of course, there is a difference between naturally growing apart and suddenly cutting off all contact with a friend without any explanation. But if you are talking less and less because your lives are going in different directions and the tail end of your friendship just fizzles out, it’s absolutely okay to not feel any guilt over it.
2. quality over quantity.
This applies to literally everything—from material things to people in my life. At this point in my life, I’m not getting taller, and I don’t really see my body shape changing drastically in the future. I’d much rather have a few quality pieces of clothing that can last me years than many pieces that fall apart after a short period of time. I have been focusing on looking at the clothing composition, seeking clothes made of the least amount of polyester and acrylic. Not only is this better for longevity, but it also promotes sustainability.
I do most of my shopping when I return to Seoul twice a year—I love small contemporary Korean brands that use good material, are not overly expensive, and are so pretty. (I’ll make an entire post about this + other non-Korean brands I like that I buy from soon!)
The same goes for friendships. I used to think that the more friends I had, the better, but it always ended up feeling like I had dozens of acquaintances rather than people I had a genuine bond with. I’d rather have a few amazing friends than many with whom I don’t have connections or meaning.
3. routines are so important.
I used to keep track of time by semester, but now that I’m not in school anymore, every day has started blending into the next. Working has made every day feel the same, and I often get pretty cynical about my life. Routines (especially day and night) and doing things on autopilot every day help keep me afloat because they help me mark the start and end of a day.
My morning + night habits are in my last newsletter!
4. learn how to stand up for yourself. but also learn how to properly apologize.