on the shelf, episode six
postcard 22: esje (seigf.read)'s favorite books
‘I've always just drawn with a pencil and I've never used a ball of putty, for whatever reason, so I just keep the mistakes and let them be wrong, because it's often the mistakes that eventually lead to something right,’ he says.
prelude
Welcome to postcards by elle! Every week, I send out a weekly postcard, which includes a list of everything I read and watched that week. This is free, so free and paid subscribers will all receive this. To support my work, please consider upgrading your subscription!
Dear God, if you are a season, let it be the one I passed through to get here.
Here. That's all I wanted to be.
—Night Sky with Exit Wounds, Ocean Vuong
Every month, I’ll be featuring someone’s favorite books so you get to hear from someone who isn’t me. For August, I asked lovely Esje (
), one of my good friends who runs the fantastic newsletter I thought August (the season of late summer and lovely literary blues) was the perfect time to ask him because he loves reading to see the beauty in these melancholy moments, as you will see in his book recommendations.(Here is his Instagram for you to check out).
1. On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
Ocean Vuong’s novel is one of the very few five-star books I have never been able to fully sit down and review. I have attempted many quick/short reviews in the past, but never one that I’ve ever been fully satisfied with. It feels like anything I write will be a disservice to the brilliance of his novel. There is something to the flow of the novel that centers its characters, elevated by the beauty of its words, that transcends me in every read.
I am never one to consider plot as an important pre-requisite to a great novel, as in this case. Vuong himself put it perfectly, “I could not employ the plot-heavy strategy because I needed these people to exist as they are, full of stories but not for a story.” and "When you surrender plot, you gain actual people."
A subtle heartbreak that won’t break you outright, but keep you on the verge of breaking for the entire duration of the book.
2. Night Sky with Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
Poetry has always been a daunting space for me — limited by the thinking that I have to understand every word, the intention of style, the rhythm of writing, in order to be able to appreciate a piece of poetry.
That’s why I never finished this collection on my first read.
Then I read On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, fell in love, and needed to give this collection another try. With a renewed intention of letting myself absorb and feel the words, rather than understanding each poem — I fell in love.
Many poems within this have grown to become all time favorites. But most importantly, this collection contains my single-most favorite passage from any piece of literature I have ever read (the last few lines of Notebook Fragments)
3. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
No book has ever taught me more about friendship and trauma, as this one. A Little Life is a polarizing book, one that has gotten a lot of fame (or infamy?) in the past few years — a challenge to some people, perhaps, as to how much they can handle from a book.
On my end, I discovered this around 7 years ago — enticed by the cover and the blurb at the back, I decided to buy and read it. Little did I know what I was getting into.
I am all the better for it. There are plenty of discourse about the good and bad things about this book, but I will save those discussions for other platforms. At least for me, as a reader, who has read this book 4 times — It has grown to become one of my all time favorites for what it has taught me, and continue to teach me.
4. Septology by Jon Fosse
It’s quite strange including a book I read just two months ago on a list that is supposed to be a list of my all time favorite books. But what can I do when a piece of literature touches me, and never lets me go (Ishiguro?! haha).
I consider Septology to be a perfect novel in style, substance, and story —simple in its premise, yet ambitious in its execution. It defied to me, in many ways, how a novel should be. But more importantly, what I consider to like or dislike from novels.
There are many aspects to this book that would usually turn me off from reading it, but Jon Fosse turned it to become the very thing that made the novel for me.
A quiet epic that became a form of meditation about life, love, spirituality, and so many more, during my two weeks of getting through this almost 800+ pages of musings, written in the form of a single thought/line.
5. Lie With Me by Philippe Besson
There is something about the simplicity of Philippe Besson’s novel that always just gets to me — it is a novel that explores the very basic themes that most queer books tackle. Shame. Guilt. Masculinity. Young love. Etc.
It takes these themes, and doesn’t twist and turn it too much. It doesn’t veer too far from how the narrative would go. Yet, it’s the queer book that I always consider to be perfect. It takes these simple themes and makes a narrative that is both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
I have read plenty of queer books in my life, ones that become a lot more unique and specific, and they also hold a special place for me. But it is always Lie with Me, that I seem to go back to every single time.
6. M Train by Patti Smith
Ah yes, my dear old friend, Patti Smith. I discovered M Train way before I even knew about Just Kids, the well-loved National Book Award winner. I was in the middle of a very rough year of my life and was looking for something comforting.
The novel opens with “It’s so difficulty writing about nothing” and that sold me.
M Train is a book that is simply like an old friend updating you with their thoughts, and their life, while having coffee at your usual spot by your favorite cafe. There is peace and quiet from reading M Train that makes it the perfect comfort book for me, or for whenever I am on a slump.
7. Crush by Richard Siken
Siken’s Crush is probably the first ever poetry collection I read, that wasn’t for academic reasons. It has never left my mind since.
I have read and reread this collection more times than I can count — I am forever captivated by Siken’s language that plays around with both beauty and violence, in the context of queer love.
It is a collection I love reading out loud, and have underlined and annotated so many sections of for his ability of really getting to the very heart of the queer experience — a community that has a long long history of being discriminated, and having a difficulty experiencing a normal kind of love and relationship, hence the use of both beauty and of violence.
It is not always the prettiest, but it is always well done.
8. Beautiful World Where Are You by Sally Rooney
Another strange choice, but I’m trusting my gut on this now. Why is it strange? I don’t even know if Beautiful World, Where are You is my favorite Rooney and yet I’m including it to this list.
I have a funny story with every Rooney I’ve ever read, which is that — I always give them 3.5 to 4 stars during my first read (Conversations with Friends is probably the only Rooney I gave a 4 star during my first read).
But then days and weeks go by, and they never leave my mind. There is something to the stripped back writing style of Rooney, paired with the layers of brilliant characterization that she does, that really takes up space in my head.
BWWAY especially, is on this list, because of the musings and conversations they share. The state of being lost and confused, and being okay with it. It is something that resonates with me, and is the reason it’s part of this list.
9. Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
This little book is a gift, and is also a book that I routinely gift to my friends during special occasions. I love to call Letters to a Young Poet somewhat of a self-help book, that isn’t preachy, annoying, or any negative thing I associate with the space (which is a lot of things).
All this to say, Letters to a Young Poet provided me with a lot of comfort in being lost and not knowing what to do in my life. Rilke mentions, in one of these letters, to “Live the question now”, and it is something I have been living for more than a decade already. That the not-knowing, is part of the living.
10. The Complete Works of Alberto Caeiro by Fernando Pessoa
Fernando Pessoa, you brilliant man. I read this collection during my move to Bangkok (from Manila) — and in these pages, I found a person (or at least a heteronym of Pessoa) that perfectly captures a life philosophy that I hold.
It is one of “being” — which, funnily enough, is the exact wording I only ever discovered thanks to Mr. Ocean Vuong. This book is essentially a collection of poems that are honest with the good and the bad aspects of life, but is one that constantly looks at it with kind and peaceful eyes.
That in a world that is increasingly overwhelming, I am glad to simply hear the wind passing and my friends smiling.
interlude i: what i read this week
I am on the last 20 pages of Intermezzo, and I am devastated. I love it so much and I don’t want it to end. Emma and I are both spiraling because 1) this book is so beautiful and 2) it’s going to be at least another two years before Sally Rooney even announces another book. We are both not ready for the Sally Drought again (where we will inevitably reread Conversations with Friends a few more times and prompt a wellness check in the Goodreads comment section).
Other than that, I read Year of the Monkey by Patti Smith, which I really enjoyed (but liked less than Just Kids, which was a phenomenal memoir). Patti Smith is such a talented writer and I am planning on reading M Train next (as recommended by Esje above!)
I also reread The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. I had the busiest week, so I wanted to reread something short and sweet that I knew I would love. Shirley Jackson also gets me in the mood for fall, so that’s exciting!
Here is my Goodreads if you want to add me!
Here are ten articles I read this week:
Self-Portrait in the Studio By Giorgio Agamben
A form of life that keeps itself in relation to a poetic practice, however that might be, is always in the studio, always in its studio. Its—but in what way do that place and practice belong to it? Isn’t the opposite true—that this form of life is at the mercy of its studio?
A Community of Desires by Annie Ernaux
The seduction of the big-box superstore.
Beyond Kingdoms and Empires by David Wengrow
A revolution in archaeology is transforming our picture of past populations and the scope of human freedoms.
How a Frenchman Stole Two Billion Dollars’ Worth of Art by Kathryn Schulz
His crime spree makes for a thrilling read—but why do heist stories steal our hearts, anyway?
Reading While You Write by Zadie Smith
How Writers Speak to One Another Across Time and Space.
Is It a Crush or Have You Fallen Into Limerence? by Amanda McCracken
How an intense longing for a romantic connection can lead to a serious addiction.
Is “Anna Karenina” a Love Story? by Joshua Rothman
What really interested Tolstoy wasn’t love, per se, but its extreme consequences.
Remembering Toni Morrison Through Her Food by NNeka M. Okona
Five years after the author’s passing, an appreciation of her love of a good meal.
Patti Smith: 'I Am Who I Am With All My Flaws' by Kate Kellaway
At 75, the punk poet, singer, artist and author talks candidly about life, loss, loneliness and her acclaimed new photography project.
interlude ii: what i watched this week
I rewatched Amelie, which is always a comfort movie (although I strongly dislike the poster where she’s just…staring at you. Someone told me the poster reminds them of Lord Farquaad and I can’t unsee it now). This movie just makes my heart soft and feels like a warm hug and I needed that this week.
Here is my Letterboxd if you want to add me!
My Grey’s Anatomy rewatch continues! I am now on season 5, which marks the beginning of my favorite part of Grey’s Anatomy (seasons 5-8). My favorite character (possibly of all time) is Lexie, and I just really enjoy the dynamics of the characters through these seasons.
Here are some video essays I watched: this one hour documentary about the first department store, and this video on Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and this documentary on Henry VII.
postlude
things i love: sleeping after a long tiring day
Oh, I love the agony of not wanting a book to end. It's an exquisite kind of pain.
I know it's not a new Sally Rooney, but Ocean Vuong's new book is scheduled for early next year, which I personally am VERY excited about.
Omw to get all these books then make it through 2 pages and call it a day