media collection: on the devastation of a wilting relationship
also titled: on being miserable with the person you love but terrified of being more miserable without.
I have this folder in my notes app called “hyperspecific media collections”, where I find a specific mood or topic I love and compile a media collection. They consist of book quotes, song lyrics, paintings, and scenes from movies or television shows. I love the idea that all forms of art and creativity are intricately connected, and seeing these parallels and similarities allows me to truly appreciate art.
This usually starts with me finding one specific quote that I really love, and then going through all the music, literature, and art I know in my mind and trying to find something that evokes a similar feeling in me.
While reading Bluets, I came across this quote: “And what kind of madness is it anyway, to be in love with something constitutionally incapable of loving you back?”. This was at the same time “complex” by Katie Gregson Macleod went viral, so the two laid down the groundwork for this specific media collection. I think it is so heartbreaking but interesting to read or listen about the gradual implosion of relationships (which is probably why I love literary fiction about relationships).
For these sort of book recommendations, check out these three posts!
ONE.
And what kind of madness is it anyway, to be in love with something constitutionally incapable of loving you back?
—Bluets, Maggie Nelson
TWO.
—Vortex, Lizzy Mcalpine
THREE.
Then you kissed me-I felt
hot wax on my forehead.
I wanted it to leave a mark:
that’s how I knew I loved you.
Because I wanted to be burned, stamped,
to have something in the end-
—The Encounter, Louise Glück
FOUR.
—Ophelia, John Everett Millais