“Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn't in time.”
prelude
"I often think men have no understanding of what's not honorable though they're always talking of it," said Anna, without answering him. "I've wanted to tell you so a long while," she added, and moving a few steps away, she sat down at a table in a corner covered with albums.
—Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
Every month, I’ll be featuring someone’s favorite books so you get to hear from someone who isn’t me. For July, I asked Elizabeth, who was my roommate when we were 15, and has been one of my closest friends for almost a decade. She is the first person whose writing made me cry, and someone who influenced my book tastes long, long before I started a bookstagram.
She is the most diverse reader I know, much more than me, so this is one of the most interesting episodes so far!
1. Crying at H Mart by Michelle Zauner
“That she had said it just to hurt me as I had hurt her in so many monstrous configurations. More than anything, I was just shocked she had withheld something so monumental.”
The lead vocalist of Japanese Breakfast puts pen to paper and splatters her heart across the page in a long letter that sings of her love for her mother.
This is what everyone means when they talk about finding empathy for their mothers. On an intellectual level, I always understood my mother to be someone I wouldn’t fully understand until it was too late. Emotionally, this is the closest I’ve come to realizing it before that fateful day. Zauner’s ability to honestly display the difficult truth of growing up Asian in America and loving someone who expresses their love in a different way made me confront some hard truths about how I handle my relationship with my mother. Empathy is easy to understand, but bewildering to practice, and it never shows itself in the way you imagined.
2. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
“He was manufacturing happiness as cleverly as he knew how, molding it and shaping it.”
The most famous reimagining of Cain and Abel, John Steinbeck’s magnum opus explores humanity from its widest range of emotion to the darkness in others that we sometimes see in ourselves.
A lot of people say there is a “perfect time” in their life to read this book, but I disagree. No matter where you are, this book will change how you view every major decision you’re ever made. While the Hamiltons are easier to love, the Trasks exist to make you question your values. The former embody the people we all wish we were, the latter are the ones that many find themselves understanding on a deeper level.
Cal, like most of us, is desperate to find happiness but is constantly afraid of his own nature. The feeling of trying to be better while questioning our every motive has never been so spelled out, and watching Cal suffer the consequences really puts in perspective that sometimes trying to be better is the best that we can do.
3. The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
“Every fiber of her body told her to throw herself into his arms, but she knew what she had to do. She wanted to say I love you like a thunderstorm, like a lion, like a helpless rage; but instead she said: ‘I think I’m going to marry Alfred.’”
The building of a cathedral in the 12th century paints a vibrant picture of religious zeal, immorality, and the goodness of man, with a tremendous romance at the center that never overshadows the story.
I cannot fully explain the effect this book had on me, but it’s one of my top favorite books of all time and this is some of Ken Follett’s best storytelling. The heroes remind us that everyone lives in their own universe and is just trying to do what they believe is right, putting our everyday mistakes into perspective, and the setting does little to alter the relatability of the characters.
The Kingsbridge Seriesalsohad some of the most devious, narcissistic, skin-crawling villains I’ve come across, made all the more unbearable for their realism. Waleran Bigod is Claude Frollo on steroids, and William Hamleigh is King Joffrey with no crown. As painful as it was to read these antagonists, it made it all the more sweet when they got their just desserts. If you’re looking for an epic historical fiction, look no further.
4. Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen
“Now the fear was more existentially parental. He and Marion had brought into the world a being of uncontrollable coalition, for whom he was nonetheless responsible.”
Set in the 70’s, the Hildebrandt family, like many of Franzen’s past family sagas, is in the act of falling apart. Led by parents Russ and Marion, the four children are all undergoing tumultuous evolutionary phases, matched only by the tumultuous evolution of the parents themselves.
The closest I’ve ever come to parental feelings was a few instances of babysitting, but this book made me feel as though I had raised several children while simultaneously experiencing a second puberty. Franzen’s writing, its sentences full of tangents and stream-of-consciousness commentary, kept me constantly in the moment.
This was published as the first of a trilogy, but as a standalone novel it highlighted what Franzen does best — detailing every piece of a character interaction. Clem’s moral integrity compared to Perry’s addiction emphasized the Sisyphean task the latter had; when you’re feeling bad and the things that make you feel good are also bad, it takes that much more effort to make the right choices. If you have siblings that you haven’t always gotten along with, give this one a look.
5. Betty by Tiffany McDaniel
“It’d be so much easier if the bad things in our lives were kept in our skin that we could shed off like a snake. Then we could leave all the dried horrid things on the ground and step forward, free from them.”
This coming-of-age novel follows Betty Carpenter and her family as they struggle through a world they have little control over. A fictionalized retelling of the life of the author’s mother, it rings with familiar elements of Educated and Demon Copperhead.
Growing up in a large family, Betty is the inheritor of her family’s generational trauma. This book made me wonder why women don’t walk raging through the streets at all times, while simultaneously reminding me that the very same forces that cause that rage also force them into smiling, palatable members of society.
This book is dark and does not shy away from the gore of violence in a way that makes it feel threatening. Like an ink stain spreading across the page and into real life, reading about such anguish can stab at a reader’s own trauma. Despite its bleakness, it’s a reminder that good can still come out of what seems like bottomless despair. Take care to look at any warnings before reading.
6. Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb
“Because what he had come to call madness was her inability to ignore the contained misery caged within her holds.”
Magic ships made of wizardwood. Conniving pirate captains. A matriarch determined to surpass everyone in her trader town despite all odds. The first book in the Liveship Traders Trilogy details Althea Vestrit’s Bingtown life being upturned as she tries with ever-increasing effort to follow the destiny she knows is hers.
Pirates are hard to write in a way that doesn’t fulfill every single trope out there, but by the time I was done with this pirate book I knew I would never bother to read another one unless someone personally and vehemently recommended it. The trilogy as a whole is phenomenal, but the entry book alone is a masterpiece.
The important lore is quickly and easily established, as are the main characters; once you see Althea Vestrit in action, I imagine it’s what Elizabeth Swann could have been if she’d been trying to be a pirate captain from the jump. There are several main characters, with the concept of a liveship that went mad after a tragic accident being the most immediate pull for me, and the rest are some of the greatest epic fantasy characters I’ve ever read. They and their stories stuck with me for a long time afterwards, and I keep buying this book as a gift for anyone remotely interested in fantasy.
7. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
“It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you’ve made, and there’s this panic because you don’t know yet the scale of disaster you’ve left yourself open to.”
Students living in a dystopian world recount their experiences at a prestigious boarding school.
This is a book whose slow burn of emotions has never failed to stir something different in me during each reread. The first time I read it, Ishiguro’s slow revealing of information left me on edge with the constant feeling of knowing just enough to know I was missing something. The sterilized voice of the narrator, Kathy, presented events in a detached light that fit the dystopian story, causing much intended frustration when, upon discovering she had been manipulated, by friends, adults, the system, she took it in stride.
Despite the discomfort, the characters were perfect foils to each other; Kathy was optimistic and gentle, Tommy was optimistic with a streak of anger, and Ruth was the fatalist trying to figure out her place in the world by exploiting those around her and using them as a mirror, a feeling anyone who has gone through a “not good enough” phase can relate to.
8. Berlin by Bea Setton
“But sometimes I am Estella. I am relieved that I have the capacity for such edge and cruelty. It isn’t that I think I am too good, but I do worry that I am weak.”
Daphne, a fresh arrival to Berlin, is a 26 year-old that experiences the awfully relatable struggles of a chaotic twenty-something in a new country. She is just unreliable enough as a narrator to make them sound both hilariously fun and inexplicably vexing, making us grateful for all the chances we missed to make things worse, and thankful that we lived through all the times we took them.
This book was a fun, quick read and got me out of a reading slump. It’s really a character study with a loose plot to keep it all together, and I had a great time reading through Daphne’s capers. Her occasionally unreasonable tendencies and social commentary were witty honesty coated in sarcasm, and really captured the current emotional zeitgeist. I’d recommend this to anyone that feels a little out of place, wherever they are, as a breath of fresh air that might pump the brakes on the spin out in their heads.
9. The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon
“You must have the blood of the sea, and the sea is not always pure. It is not any one thing. There is darkness in it, and danger, and cruelty.”
In a world separated by East and West, Sabran Berethnet fights to retain power over her Queendom. Evil dragons are stirring after ages and against impossible odds, they must be forced back into their slumber before they wreak havoc on the world.
This book is one I’ve been meaning to reread, but I’ve avoided it because I’m afraid it won’t be as good the second time. There’s a fantastic slow burn; although it’s easy to see coming, the payoff never feels unearned or gratuitous. The cast of characters is a little narrower than, say, Game of Thrones, but similar to Lord of the Rings. There are several groups, but they are distinctive enough to keep track of and not overstuffed with side characters built up only for a specific scene.
The plot holds up over the 800+ pages, and though the pacing can be inconsistent, it works well overall. I like a little angst in my fantasy, and there was plenty to mine from this book, as well as perfectly placed lore that illuminated the present day without feeling like excess exposition. Well worth a read for anyone that liked The Inheritance Cycleor is looking for a well-written LGBTQ+ fantasy.
10. Riders of the Purple Sage by Zane Grey
“The one thing in man or woman that she scorned above all scorn, and which she could not forgive, was hate. Hate headed a flaming pathway straight to hell. All in a flash, beyond her control there had been in her a birth of fiery hate.”
Adventure, conflict, and romance tinged with violence make Cottonwoods and its cast of characters both a phenomenally well-written classic Western and a long-lasting, unique novel. As Jane WIthersteen grapples with her understanding of religion and evil, she meets people who believe even more strongly in hard-won ideals.
To wrap-up this list, here’s a classic adventure story. The first of a duology set against the backdrop of a fictional Utah, it set the blueprint for Westerns to come. Jim Lassiter is the dark horse anti-hero you have to root for, and Jane Withersteen is the trope of damsel in distress turned on its head. This is a more detailed version of All the Pretty Horses, and if you want breathtaking landscapes with a good-ole dash of cowboy heroics, the 350 pages reads quickly.
interlude i: what i read this week
Slowly updating my Goodreads (and will be throughout the upcoming week), but I read two books this week! I read Fireflies by Luis Sagasti and Maurice by E.M Forster. I was so upset that I did not like Fireflies as much as I thought I would, but I did absolutely love Maurice. It was so beautifully written and so perfect for summer. I read it in three days while it was continuously pouring outside, and it was amazing.
Here are some articles to read this week:
Meet the Queen of the 'Trad Wives' (and her Eight Children)
Hannah Neeleman, known to her nine million followers as Ballerina Farm, milks cows, gives birth without pain relief and breastfeeds at beauty pageants. Is this an empowering new model of womanhood — or a hammer blow for feminism?
As eons-long Barbie promotional extravaganza ties up our latest nostalgia craze in a perfect bow. But what’s behind this particular fixation on girlhood?
Seeing Green: Why We Should All Be Paying Attention to Plants
Klaudia Khan on the Arrogance of Anthropocentrism and the Overlooked Wonders of the Natural World
Falling head over heels in love is one thing, but if it becomes all-consuming you may be in ‘limerence.
Tinnitus is like a constant scream inside my head, depriving me of what I formerly treasured: the moments of serene quiet
Literary Lists are Records of Female Desire
For centuries, women have been using lists to reach for a radical future
The magical in-betweenness—and surprising epidemiological history—of the porch.
Will the millennial aesthetic ever end?
Virginia Woolf: "How Should One Read a Book?"
Read as if one were writing it.
What Is 'Underconsumption Core'? The TikTok Minimalism Trend Explained
Is it really 'underconsumption core' or are we just... normal?
Also, here is my guide on finding articles and what newsletters to subscribe to (along with my favorite articles)!
interlude ii: what i watched this week
I watched Inside Out 2 with my little sister in the theaters! While I did like the first Inside Out a whole lot more, I really enjoyed this one as well. And going to the movies with my sister is always such a special treat.
I have been trying to go through my Letterboxd watchlist. I watched: Twister (the original, which was absolutely amazing), All About Eve (also amazing), and rewatched Billy Elliot, which was one of my childhood favorites (and is still delightful almost twenty years later). Such a perfect week of movies.
Here are some video essays I watched this week: This deep dive on Las Meninas by Diego Velázquez, this one on Little Miss Sunshine, and this short video on the history of cheese.
I really loved this episode, Elle! As someone who really enjoys a fantasy book from time to time, I think this list was refreshing <3
As always, love the book round-ups! I just finished Olive (aaaamazing) + reading a non-fiction next, Glucose Revolution, to learn more about my PCOS. But when I'm done, I can't wait to dive into God of the Woods!